and in dating news.... *exasperation warning ahead*

[devohoneybee]

ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Meeting someone reasonable, why so hard?

This guy (blind date from match.com), really nothing terrible, just...

Spent the first 30 minutes of our "brunch date" telling me why he's not eating, even though he invited me for brunch, including a detailed listing of his "supplement product plan alternating dieting and cleansing"...

Didn't give me one compliment or appreciative look (I spent an hour between hair, make-up, and choosing a very fetching outfit showing off my assets)...

Never asked me one question about myself...

Insisted on showing me multiple examples of his "poetry" (not to be too catty about it, but it couldn't be characterized as anything but doggerel... which is fine, doggerel has its place, but...it's better if you KNOW it's doggerel)...

And then started bashing the place I work, and when I asked what he was basing his very broad generalizations on, said, "the news" without anything more specific. As in, "the homeless [specific population] problem is so big and no one at [the place I work] cares." After I explained the 5 residential programs we have for homeless [population], the multiple places we partner with in the community for emergency shelter, and the voucher housing program, he said, "oh." Sure, it's still a big problem, but do not tell me "no one cares" without even a smidgen of curiosity about the actual, you know, data.

*steamed*

Also, he thinks the "date went well."

Thing is, these dates are so few and far between, that when they are happening I keep telling myself to "give it a chance" because, you know, it must be me being too picky or something. So I failed when it came to saying, "actually, for me, it really didn't."

In summary, ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Comments

[tazlet]

Never understood why men think women who aren't their mothers, and whom they've just met, would ever be interested in their internal workin's but they do. Why?

[devohoneybee]

It also put me in a really awkward position as I had arrived hungry based on the expectation of brunch, and fully intended to eat, but then was eating while he sipped herbal tea.

That said, the veggie eggs Benedict served gluten-free on a polenta wafer in place of English muffin WAS delicious.

[hunningham]

Wandered in via my network page - I'm gobsmacked and so glad that I'm not trying to meet new new people to go with.

Another thought - he probably thinks it went really well because he talked all the time, and you were a polite person and didn't smack him over the head with a giant clue bat. Some people really need a "how to interact with other people" manual. (And sometimes I am one of those people.)

[devohoneybee]

it's true that I "went along." but felt myself becoming increasingly short, in my own reactions, and then trying not to show that. *sigh*

on another note, how does this wandering in via network page work? *curious*

and thanks for responding! it does make me feel less crazy.

[dragonfly]

If you're looking at the journal of someone on your reading list, you can click their "reading" tab and now you're reading the people they read. Who may or may not know you at all.

Also, if you search the entire Dreamwidth site for, say, Captain America, you'll get results from all over. That's kind of "the network," too.

[hunningham]

Nope, you're not crazy at all. Showing you their (bad) poetry just sounds wrong for a meet-you date. And if he knew you worked at workplace, then his knowledgeness bashing of the homeless programs is a really classic example of mansplaining.

All so interesting - it sounds like someone who has never been challenged or criticised and really doesn't expect it. Run a mile.

Network = network link on the menu bar, and is same as friends-of-friends on the old livejournal. People hadn't posted enough on my reading page, so I went to explore my network.

[devohoneybee]

cool! welcome to the conversation, and i appreciate your comments. :)

mansplaining, yeah, that. it was worse than bashing the homeless programs -- he wasn't even curious to know that they EXISTED.

the somewhat confusing part is that he does have very many nice characteristics, including the work HE does for a different disadvantaged population, which sounds very sensitive and caring. for example we perused a local bookshop and he was very engaging and enthusiastic about finding appropriate reading material for his group, which i found appealing. i think he's a good guy, but a terrible conversationalist.

that said, good conversation is pretty important to me *cough* spoiled by fandom *cough*

*sigh*

[rhi]

He's a 'good guy' who spent the entire date talking about himself rather than asking about the person he supposedly came to meet/date? I'm kinda thinking not so good a guy, honestly. I'm going to agree with the 'run a mile.'

[devohoneybee]

yeah, i know. *sigh*

[lilysea]

Never asked me one question about myself...

Insisted on showing me multiple examples of his "poetry" (not to be too catty about it, but it couldn't be characterized as anything but doggerel... which is fine, doggerel has its place, but...it's better if you KNOW it's doggerel)...

On a first date?

ugh.

[devohoneybee]

yeah....

[dragonfly]

Wow. Didn't ask about you, expected you to admire his poetry, and bashed the place you work without, instead, asking, "So is what I hear on the news true to your experience?"

AND he thinks it went well. Wow.

[devohoneybee]

yeah, exactly. i mean, very nice guy in many ways, works with kids with disabilities, seems to be caring... just... doesn't seem to have a lot of discernment in this thinking. seemed surprised when i asked "based on what?" when he expressed his views. i don't think he had ever stopped to think about it.

[devilc]

{{{{Devo}}}}}

(Did you get my message about the fangirl in your part of the state?)

[devohoneybee]

oh yes, sorry! your message came right in the midst of a bit external review at work. yes, absolutely pass on my contact info. :)

[elynross]

Oh, that sounds *so* miserable, from start to finish! :( But one of my coworkers is currently moving in with someone she met through match.com, with a wedding date set next April, so I know it *can* work. But she had to kiss a lot of frogs, first, too, including at least one already-married one.

re: Network, if you add "network" to your base DW URL, you get a reading list of (I think) all the people your friends read that you don't:

http://devohoneybee.dreamwidth.org/network

[devohoneybee]

thanks for the sympathy... and cool about the network!

he, um, called again. i have not returned the call.