devohoneybee: (where there is darkness)
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Since she died,
since the day I walked in to the room
and saw, not her, but a still body.

And the face, the face of what had been
her face, but was not now.
So still. The wrinkles smoothed, the skin
devoid of flush.

No breath, of course, but also,
no HER.

My sister, who'd kept vigil, went home.
I stayed to keep watch, until they came.
I thanked her body. Not HER, but her body.
Her belly, for bearing me. Her eyes, for watching.
Her heart, for her love.

I had her to myself, for that brief while. Not HER, but.

Since that day I've been trying to speak of this.
The still, quiet shock of it.
The absence.

There is no place to point.
There is no thing, a no-thing, a not-thing.
I am trying to find my voice
around this not-thing.
I am trying to be in life
now that I know,
not as concept but as itself,
the not-thingness of this thing.
Whenever I approach,
there is only
not-there.

I am holding myself
a lit candle,
carefully tending
the flame.
There are 6 comments on this entry. (Reply.)
isagel: Hannibal Lecter and Will Graham from the tv show Hannibal, a close-up of Hannibal's hand on Will's shoulder. (hannibal hannibal/will touching)
posted by [personal profile] isagel at 11:08pm on 30/03/2016
<3
devohoneybee: (Default)
posted by [personal profile] devohoneybee at 01:05am on 31/03/2016
:)
rhi: A triskele raked into the sand, with the tide coming in. (sea)
posted by [personal profile] rhi at 02:48am on 01/04/2016
{{hugs}}
devohoneybee: (Default)
posted by [personal profile] devohoneybee at 03:11am on 01/04/2016
*hugs back* thank you
gattagrigia: (Default)
posted by [personal profile] gattagrigia at 03:23pm on 03/04/2016
Ghosts don't drag you toward their light
They make it brighter here for you.

(I heard this in a song many years ago. It helps me not to feel so abandoned. Hugs to you.)
devohoneybee: (Default)
posted by [personal profile] devohoneybee at 06:40pm on 03/04/2016
i like that! thank you!

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