honey and sting

So, extremely MIXED results.

Of the good:  I was able to sleep, in chunks, showed A LOT of REM rebound (this occurs when you have been REM-deprived, and you get a bounce-back with lots of REM), and had much, much improved oxygen saturation levels (in the 90's instead of my previous low of 78.  No snoring or apnea events of note.  Vastly improved sleep quality.  (Hilariously, most of the dreams I recall from the night were about wanting to get up and go home, asking if it was morning yet, or filling out the post-study forms so I could leave).

Of the not so good:  Of several mask types we tried, most made me feel like I was on the verge of suffocating (the positive pressure of air into your nose means there's a feeling of having to FORCE the exhale back out, which is not a pleasant feeling at all, and made me feel slightly panicky).   I had to resort to the one that covers mouth and nose, which I was trying to avoid.  The stress of the initial try-outs made my neck so tense it triggered a headache.   Also part of the panicky feeling was the association of "breathing contraption-y things" with "I am in the hospital and might need surgery, keep having horrible pain, or even be at risk of dying."

Remind me to never, ever try breath-play.   (Not that it was on my list...)   Which really made me think a lot about how closely tied my kink is to a desire to rehabilitate scary hospital/illness experiences -- to re-create the helplessness but this time with a positive, caring, and pleasure-oriented human context.

So, yeah.   I'll get the report in a few days, and the doctor will discuss options.   There is a dental device that moves the lower jaw forward to open the airway that I'd like to get more information about.   It's also possible that I can "get used to" the cpap and that if I'm not so tense about it, I won't get headachy and have to take 2 doses of Fiorecet (tylenol, phenobarb, and caffeine) in order to feel comfortable enough to sleep. 

Oh, and the other bad news?  STILL NO DEEP (delta wave) SLEEP.  Which I had been led to understand is when the adrenals replenish, therefore accounting for the chronic state of fatigue I've been in.  Gary, the very nice lab tech, said that he never sees delta sleep in adults in the lab, but I pointed out that he's only seeing a sample of people already identified as having sleep problems.

Clearly, I need more information (and options).    Advice, experience, and general consoling welcome.